As a "YES" person - How often do you wonder, when you are feeling so overwhelmed, that you feel like running - it matters not where - just how quickly you can just turn and go?
Do you suppose the reason could be that you are a "yes" person? How many times do you, ask yourself; Why did I say Yes, when I was really thinking No?
Here it comes......the beginning of that - all too familiar feeling; OVERWHELMED....creeping in again. This feeling of 'too much to do and not enough time to do it'.....you know - the one you feel - far too often, creeping into the recesses of your brain again (not to mention your stomach)!
This great advice comes from my site; click here please.
Asking yourself; 'Why do I put myself in these situations?' Answering yourself, 'well -
- I don't want to upset the person who asks for my help.
- They're my boss.
- It's the polite, considerate thing to do.
- I ought to do this, after all - they helped me when I needed it last.
- It should't take that much time (but, it always does).
- If the situation were reversed, I'm sure; they would be there for me.
- I'm a helpful person, that is just who I am. Besides, it feels good to be able to help someone, when they need me.
- The list goes on & on....
If saying 'Yes', causes you extra stress, & a feeling of being so overwhelmed, maybe it's time to practice your 'No' techniques. Including - reasoning with yourself, in the same way you do, regarding the - why - behind your 'Yes'?
As a "NO" person - you do NOT have to continually be a "NO" person, however,
it just makes perfect sense, why being a "NO" person has just as much meaning, as it does benefit behind it, as being a "YES" person. You may need to prepare yourself more to say 'no', as saying 'yes' is more natural for you and 'no' is not. However, this will help because preparation is important...Why?:
- Weighing out why & explaining to this person, the benefits for both you and them.
- Learning to share with the other person, reasons you are not available, to help at this time.
- Knowing if you put off your answer - they will be left with little time to find other help; this will hurt them & cause you to feel bad.
- Learning that giving excuses never works & will cause disrespect; be honest.
- Realizing that some people will take advantage of your kind, helpful nature - once they realize you cannot say 'no'. Teaching yourself that always being a "YES" person, invites an increase in requests from others. Consequently, increasing the amount of stress on you & a decrease in the quality & quantity of your own work.
Know that you are not alone, as this is an interesting dilemma; why do so many, otherwise smart, self-confident people find themselves saying; "YES"
when they too, are thinking "NO!"? Don't be shy & don't feel intimidated by the 'Higher-Ups' in the Company - if you give honest, valid reasons, no one will hold a considerate, well explained 'no', from you.
- An Event: If you are too busy just simply say 'no'. Try - I'm sorry I am not available / I'm sorry but I have another commitment. Don't feel obligated to explain, if you do; KEEP IT SIMPLE & SHORT! (Do NOT over-explain; does not sound sincere.)
- Last minute requests: when someone has rushed deadlines & a sense of urgency comes across, it can 'default a yes'! Instead - listen to their request, then try: "I really want to help you, but I am facing my own deadline. I am not able to help you this week, how about next week?"
- I need an answer NOW! Just because you are put on the spot does not mean you MUST answer on the spot! Especially when the request for a commitment is casual or unexpected. Then try: "Let me get back to you [insert a time-frame]. I want to provide you with an informed answer."
- Not Your Bailiwick. Use this as an opportunity to get help from your network by making recommendations. Try: "Thank you for asking me, this is not my specialty. Have you considered asking George?
- Have you got a sec? Means = Can I pick your brain? chose not to, if it's important they will be back at a time when you can focus on their needs. Try: "I have to finish this project in the next hour. Can you come by at 2PM?"
- "Can we have coffee/a meal?" for many business leaders the free consulting & never ending coffee meetings can distract, as well as keep you from what you should be doing. Try: "I am working on a key project right now, would you be interested in becoming a client or did you have a quick question?"
Working or Living with others is a balance, a balance between your needs and the theirs. There is no one rule, or formula to follow. Choosing whether to say "yes" or "no" to a request is a personal choice, on that will benefit your own well-being, after all, saying "not" to them means you are saying "yes" to yourself - a trite phrase, but it's true.
The most important tip in being able to say "no" is to contract for this at the outset. When you are STARTING the relationship or project, don't be afraid to talk about how you will handle and raise concerns. Most relationships fail when we don't articulate (make clear) the rules of engagement (business partnership, significant other, roommates, etc.). Take a few minutes to agree on how you will work together at the outset and it makes things so much easier when the moment arises.
Blessings in your Business Relationships!
Linda Swearingen
